In keeping with my promise to offer unsolicited advice, here is my first piece: Don’t Believe Everything You Hear.
When I was a high school junior, my friend and I had a math class together. The seniors would come in and talk to the teacher. One day, one of them walked in and said, “Hi, Harry Butt.” My friend and I burst out laughing. Later, on the bus, we conjectured why the kid didn’t get in trouble. After that, once in a while, other kids would come in and say, “Hi, Harry Butt.” We decided that when we were seniors, we would do the same thing. The first day of our senior year rolled around, and we couldn’t wait for our first class with the teacher. Just before I walked in, however, my friend caught me at the door and said, “Don’t do it, they were saying, ‘Harry Bud.’”
I didn’t date much when I was in high school, so when I went to college, I was a little naïve in the boy department. One night, a guy invited me to his room to watch television. When we got there, he said, “I don’t allow shoes on the bed.” It was a dorm room, so that’s about the only place there was to sit. I thought, “Why would I put my feet on the bed?” I found out soon enough. Don’t worry; he wasn’t aggressive, and I got out of there pretty quick.
And then there is that time when an adult friend told me that George Washington had wooden false teeth. I said, “Is that true?” meaning, “Really? I didn’t know that.” Evidentially, she didn’t know either because she said, “Well, I think so. I’m not sure. I’ll have to look it up.”
I was at a town wide yard sale with my daughter a week ago. It was hot, and there were some cute little kids-around five or six years old-sitting at a table with a sign that said, “Lemonade, 50 Cents.” My daughter wanted some, especially since it was pink lemonade. I handed the little boy a dollar and said that I only want one glass. He said, “We don’t make change.” The dad turned a little red and said, “Yes, we do.” My daughter was holding the cup so the little girl could pour the lemonade. The little girl said, “Somebody hold the glass for her. She’s the customer. She shouldn’t have to hold her own glass.” The little boy said, “I’m trying to explain to this lady that we don’t make change.” The dad looked like he was going to fall off his lawn chair from embarrassment. As we walked away, my daughter took a sip. She said, “Mom, this is Kool-Aid.” At that moment, I realized that I never did get my 50 cents back~the glass of faux lemonade did, in fact, cost me a dollar.
If you eat a green potato chip, you will not die; if a frog pees on you, you will not get warts; and if you eat Mentos and drink soda, your stomach won’t explode. Don’t believe everything, or even most stuff, you hear, even if it is written on a sign with cute kids sitting beside it.