Catherine Hackman

Seth was surprised when he received a second invite to the Paris house.

“How’s it goin’?”  Clive was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a Coke.  Beth sat down in the seat beside him.  Seth took the chair with the unopened Coke can and popped the top.

“Fine.  I’m doin’ alright,” Seth said and took a sip of the drink.

“When you came over the last time, I offered to help you look for a job.  I’ve been asking around, and I have some leads.  One friend of mine is really interested.  I leaned on the people at your old firm, and they’re going to give you a good reference,” Clive said.

“What kind of a job is it?”  Seth wanted to know.

“It’s “Head of Accounting” at Staley College.  The hours are good, and the salary and benefits are phenomenal.  Your kids get free tuition as a perk.  Of course, it’s kind of a far commute.”

Seth shrugged, “Claire and I are thinking about moving anyway.  I’ll take my resume and references over there first thing in the morning”.

“Great!  Great!  I can’t guarantee that you’ll get the job,” Clive said.  “but you’ve a got a good chance.”

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this,”  Seth said.  “Since I’m here, there’s something else.”

Clive motioned with his hand for him to continue.

“That last time I was here, you talked to me about a saving faith in Jesus Christ,” he began.

“Yeah, we can talk about that any time you want,” Clive’s voice held some hope that he would listen this time.

“Well, that’s just the thing.  Christ has come into my life as Lord and Savior.  I owe you and Beth an apology for the way I acted,” he said.

Clive actually stood up and shook his hand.  “Congratulations, Seth!  We’re so happy for you,” Clive said.  Beth was all smiles.

“I was wondering how Harper’s doing?”  Seth wanted to change the subject before it got embarrassing.

“He’s in the other room,” Clive told him.  “I thought we could shoot some pool.”

“Sure, that’d be great,” Seth got up from the table.

“Seth,” Beth said.

He turned to look at her. “Huh?”

“Don’t move too far away, alright?  We’d really enjoy doing some things with your family,” Beth said.

“We’ll see what we can manage,” he answered.  He couldn’t believe these people liked him.  After the way he’d been before, they were welcoming him into their home, into their lives, they were putting themselves out there for him.

When he stepped into the family game room, Harper paused the video game he was playing and stood up without prompting.  Seth couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Harper.  The kid was clean cut and had a pleasant look on his face.  He didn’t fit Seth’s picture of a druggie loser.  Harper walked over and shook his hand.

“Hello, Mr. Sneddecker. How’s Michelle?”  Harper asked.

“Michelle’s fine.  And, you can call me, Seth.”

“The kids at school are wondering when she’s coming back.  We all miss her.  We don’t know what the volleyball team will do without her,” Harper said.

“Michelle’s going to a different high school.  We, her mom and I, decided it would be best under the circumstances.”

“Too bad for us.”

As Harper and Clive were setting up the pool table, Seth thought how he had a lot in common with Harper.  Both of them needed people to come alongside them and walk with them to help the keep a straight path.  Both of them needed Christ’s strength to keep them from going back to what they were.  He would never have thought he had anything in common with this kid, but if it was drugs or abuse or whatever else, it was all the same: sin that could only be broken, permanently broken, by Christ Jesus.

“I hope you’re ready for this,” Harper said confidently.

He was more than ready.

On Saturday afternoon, Claire heard a knock on the door.  She saw Clint standing on the steps.  She went to open the door.

“Hey,” he said.

“Let me guess, the group doesn’t know you’re here.”

“Actually, they do know I’m here.”

“Do you want to come in?”

He hesitated.  “Seth’s in the car.  He was hoping you’d talk to him.”

She looked over his shoulder and saw Seth in the passenger seat of the car.  It looked like he was fiddling with his shoelace or something.

“He’s been wanting to talk to you, but he was afraid you wouldn’t.  He thought he should say it in person rather than write you a note or something,” Clint rushed to explain before Claire shut the door.  “I thought if I brought him over, you’d, maybe, see him.”

“Alright, I’ll meet him in the meeting room at the church.  I really don’t want him in my apartment,” she said.  Then she added, “You’re a good friend, Clint.”

When she walked into the room, both Seth and Clint stood.

“Clint, I don’t think you need to stay,” Claire said.  “I feel pretty safe here.”

“I’ll be just outside if you need me,” he said.

She looked at his smallish frame and earnest face with the long hair and glasses.  She couldn’t resist asking, “Do you really think you could stop Seth?”

He looked at her in all seriousness, “I know I could.”  He looked at Seth as if to say, “Good Luck,” and left the room.

She sat down on a couch opposite Seth and waited.

She’d never seen him look so vulnerable.  His eyes, there was something in his eyes, she’d seen it on the day he’d asked her to forgive him, and again on the day he’d given her the tree.  Something was different.  His voice was different too.

“Claire,” he began.  “I’m so sorry about what I said about other women.  I was just mad.”  He hesitated.  “The truth is, I have compared you to other women over the years.  I’ve wondered what it would be like to have a different wife.  But all of those other women came up short.  I thought it was just because I couldn’t bully them into doing what I wanted.”

She flinched, so he went on quickly, “But I’ve come to realize in the past couple of weeks that the real reason the women came up short is because they aren’t you.  No other woman could fit me the way you do.  I like having you with me, just being able to look at you across the room.”

She didn’t say anthing.  She held her breath against the flood of emotion those words brought.

He went on, “I figured something else out, in the last couple of weeks; I don’t know you very well, and I’d like to get to know you.  I’d like to do things with you and get to know you.  At the hockey game, I wanted so badly to talk to you, about the game, and about other stuff, and I wanted to hold your hand so badly, to touch you, but I couldn’t because I’ve put this gap between us . . .” His voice trailed off.

That did it.  He’d never talked about holding her hand or wanting to be near her.  There was something in his eyes, something different when he looked at her.  She didn’t know what it was, but when she saw it, it made her feel warm.  She felt her eyes fill and spill over, releasing of all of the pent up hurt and grief from the past seventeen years of marriage and replacing it with a joy at finally getting what her heart desired, her husband’s love.

“I’m trying to learn to control my temper.  I’m trying not to get angry at things like I have been, but I need some time.”

She wiped her face with the palms of her hands.   He hesitated, then took his handkerchief out of his pocket and crossed the room to hand it to her.  He stood there uncertainly for a minute, then sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

She said, “I know you’re trying.  I can see that.  I’m really proud and impressed by how much progress you’ve made.”  She sniffed a little; not very romantic.

“And thank you again for the plans for the house.  My first thank you didn’t turn out so well.”

“You know those plans would work anywhere,” he said.  “I’ve been thinking that we might want to sell the house and start over again somewhere else.”

She nodded.

She sat silent for a minute.  She was seeing Seth trying first-hand, she was seeing the results of all of the work he must be doing.  She felt around in her heart.  The anger toward him wasn’t there anymore.  She was ready to let him show her that she could trust him again.

“I forgive you,” she said.  She half-turned on the couch and looked at him.  “All of it, I forgive you all of it.”

She saw his face flicker as he thought about what that meant.  “Would you go out with me?”  he asked.

“What?”  The question caught her off guard.

“I mean on a double date.  With Maggie and David.”

“I’d like that,” she said.  He had never looked so attractive to her, sitting there asking for her to go out with him.

“Alright, I’ll talk to Maggie and David, and call you to see when you’re free.”

She stood up.  He stood when she did.

“I’m going to go now,” she told him.  “And, you can call me whenever you want.”

When she walked out the door, she saw Clint sitting on the floor just down the hallway, doing something with his phone.

“How’d it go?”

“Seth’s going to call me.  We’re going out on a date.”  She felt like she was back in high school and had just scored a date with a guy she’d been crushing on.

Clint grinned.

“Clint,” Claire said.  “Thank you for hanging in there with us.  This doesn’t necessarily mean our marriage is going to be fixed, but I think, now, at least we stand a chance.”

He nodded, and Claire went out to her car, not even noticing the late December cold.

Claire got a package in the mail on Thursday.  It was too fat to fit all the way in, and the top of the mailbox stuck open a little bit.  The edges of the manila envelope were damp from the light snowfall trickling down.

The upper left-hand corner held her old address which meant it was from Seth.  She looked at it with a sinking feeling.  He’d mailed her divorce papers.  As much as she’d thought she wanted this, she realized, now that it came to it, that she didn’t.  The foolish hope lingered that he would fight to keep her.

She sat down at the table and looked at it for a long time before opening it.  She saw her dreams of a family, whole, alive, moving forward, sink into a deep black void.  She saw a struggle ahead.  She’d thought he’d offered to pay for classes because he wanted her to improve herself.  She realized now that he’d offered so he could be free of her.

She threw the envelope onto the kitchen floor and stomped on it.  She kicked it across the room and then stomped on it again.  Even though she’d thought she was being really protective of herself, she’d allowed herself the hope that their marriage would survive.

Her thumb poked clumsily into the flap and ripped it off.  This wasn’t divorce papers.  It looked like a hand-drawn house plan.  She spread it out on the table.  It was quite large and detailed with tape holding the pieces of paper together.  There was a door between the family room and the formal living room so that they wouldn’t have to walk all the way around anymore.  There was an addition to the garage with the label “heated, sound-proof room” and a bunch of cages with little dog shapes in them.  Pipes led from the laundry room to Seth’s study.  A table, and a square labeled, “Grooming Equipment” was in the middle of the study.  There was a shower-looking thing off in the corner closest to the laundry room.  There was a washer and dryer labeled, “Doggie Clothes” in another corner.  She sat down.  He must’ve spent hours researching and drawing this.  There was also a note.

     Dear Claire,

     I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and made some plans, in case you decide to move back in.  I got a plumber to look at our house, and he said he could run the pipes, no problem.  A couple of men are supposed to come by to give me estimates on the heated addition to the garage.  If I’m being too pushy, or you don’t want to move back, just forget it.

   Seth

Seth was at Clint’s house when Claire’s number came up on caller ID.  He flipped open the phone.

“Hi, Claire,” he said.  Clint looked over from his chair in front of the X Box.  He mouthed, “Do you want some privacy?”  Seth nodded, grateful for Clint’s tact.

Clint left the room as she was saying, “Thank you for the plans.  I really appreciate all of the time you put in.”

“Yeah, well.” He could tell from the tone of her voice that she was pleased.  “If that’s what you want to do, I’m willing to make the changes.  I’ve been thinking it’d be nice to have you at home.  I could come home for lunch sometimes, you know, just to spend some time with you.  You could make me lunch, that is, if you want.  If you don’t want to, I can bring us some carryout.”

“You really want me to be at home?” she asked.

“If that’s still what you want,” he said.

She was silent for a long time. He would’ve thought he’d dropped the call if he didn’t hear her television in the background.

“I’ve got to go,” she said abruptly.

“Did I say something wrong?  Claire, please don’t be mad,” his voice took on a pleading tone.

“I’m not mad.  I . . .I just need some time to think,” she said.  Then, her voice became angry, accusing.  “Don’t you offer these things to me, Seth Sneddecker, and then pull the rug out from under me.  I’m not going to tolerate you playing with me.  I’m not going to get back with you and then have you say, ‘Well, these changes to the house aren’t really practical after all,’ ‘Well, I have to go off and golf with my friends, and I can’t help you with the house, but it’d better be cleaned when I get home.’  I’m not living like that!”

He felt anger rising inside.  He’d put out a lot of effort toward her, and she was just getting angrier.  “Look.” He gritted his words through his teeth.  ”I’m really trying here, and you just keep wanting more.  You’re really ungrateful!  I don’t know why I’m even trying if it’s always, ‘Not good enough!’  ‘Not good enough!’ Nothing I did was ever good enough.  I gave you a house, and you didn’t want it.  I gave you a car, and you didn’t want it!  You aren’t that great, you know!  There’re plenty of women who’d love to have a man like me!”  He didn’t realize he’d lost control until Clint ran into the room, waving his hands and mouthing, “No! No! No!”  He looked at Clint and all of the anger left him; an understanding of what he’d just done took all of his strength.

There was silence on the other end.  He thought for a moment, hoped, she’d ended the call before she heard that last.

“I guess you’d better find those women, then.”  Her voice betrayed the fact that she was crying.

“Claire, Claire, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” he said frantically into the phone.  This time, though, he knew she had closed her phone and her heart.

He sat with his head in his hands.  He didn’t want Clint to see the emotion on his face.  They’d warned him she’d probably act this way, test his resolve to hold his temper, test his resolve to be with her.  And he’d thrown her over the cliff.  The men of the group had told him that she’d need continued reassurance that he’d follow through with what he offered, and he’d let her down.

“Hey, man, the anger program told you you’d have setbacks.  It’s all part of the process,” Clint said.

“I’m going to go home.  See ya around,” Seth said.  He didn’t look up as he grabbed his coat off the chair and walked out into the cold.

About an hour after Michelle got home, she poured herself a glass of milk and sat down at the kitchen table with her mom.  She picked up a pair of tweezers and joined her in pulling threads out of the quilt.

“I can’t imagine that the dye of the pattern stayed in the fabric this long.  It’s supposed to wash out,”  her mom commented.

“Well, you didn’t wash it that much, so maybe that saved it,”  Michelle answered.

Both were silent for a time, working the fraying threads loose from the fabric’s hold.

“Mom,” Michelle finally started.

“Yeah,”  her mom didn’t look up.

“Well, I was wondering if I could have some friends over tomorrow afternoon,”  Michelle said.

She could hear the barely concealed enthusiasm in her mom’s answer, “New friends from school?”

“Two:  Olivia and Chelsea.  I’d also like to have Summer and Eric and Nolan, if that’s alright,” Michelle said.  She put down her tweezers and looked at her mom, waiting for her approval.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea after how you treated them?”  her mom asked.

“After you went to jail, they all texted me,” Michelle said.  “They wanted to help.  I called Summer last week.  We had a long talk.  She wants us to try being friends again.  I think she understands things I haven’t told her.”

“She’s been a good friend to you for a long time,” her mom smiled a little.  “I’m glad to know you’re talking to her again.”

“I never got back to Nolan.  I was hoping if I had him over, he’d forgive me, and we could be friends again,” Michelle hoped her voice didn’t betray that she wanted more than that.

“I guess you could invite them,” her mom said.  “Just don’t be too disappointed if they don’t show up.  And if they do show up, don’t expect things to feel the same.  Nolan might not come.  From what you’ve told me, you hurt him pretty badly.”

“I know,”  Michelle said quietly.

“Is he dating someone else?”  her mom asked.

“I don’t know.  If he is, he is,” Michelle said.  Her voice quivered a little, “I really liked him, mom. What was I thinking?”

Her mom put her hand on Michelle’s arm, “Everybody makes mistakes.  Sometimes we make bad ones.  That’s where Christ comes in.  He doesn’t always fix it, though.”

“I know.”

Her mom stood up and started sweeping threads off the table and into her palm, “If you’re going to invite them over, you’d better get to texting.  We need to vacuum and get things cleaned up before we’re invaded.”

The next afternoon, Michelle sat in the living room alone.  Olivia and Chelsea already had plans.  The other three never got back to her.  Sherridan and Thomas were making cookies upstairs with Aunt Lorrayne.  Her mom was napping in her bedroom.  She had the quilt on her lap and was picking the threads out with her fingernails like she’d done at Aunt Lorrayne’s house in  Arizona.  Somehow, it felt soothing to concentrate on wearing the thread down, breaking it, following its path over the square.

There was a knock at the door.  She put the quilt aside and went to open it, expecting Sherridan and Thomas with a plate of cookies.  Instead, she found Nolan.

“Hey,”  he said shyly.

“Hey,”  she said.  She’d forgotten how tall he was, how his eyes sparkled, how he made her feel all tingly inside.  “Wanna come in?”

“Sure,”  he stomped the snow off his shoes and stepped into the apartment.

“You’ll have to leave your shoes on the rug.  Mom has a fit if anyone gets snow on the carpet,”  she said.

“Where is your mom?”  He knelt down and unlaced his boots.

“She’s sleeping in her room.  The kids are upstairs making cookies.”  She watched him take his huge feet out of his shoes.  “I don’t have any food made.  I didn’t think anybody was coming.”

“Summer and Eric are coming later.  I wanted to talk to you alone first,”  Nolan said.

That made her nervous.  She was afraid of what he would say to her; she was hoping they could just start again without going over what happened.  They sat down on the couch.  He put his elbows on his knees and looked out the window.

she took a breath and said, “I’m sorry I hurt you.  It was a really mean thing to do.  I don’t even really like Trev.  I just wanted to double date with Renea.  I thought she was my friend.”

“Why couldn’t you and I double date with Renea and Res?”  He wanted to know.

“Renea said Trev needed a date, and she promised him I’d go with her.  She said that if I didn’t go with him, she wouldn’t be my friend anymore.  My dad’s friends with her parents, and if I wasn’t friends with her anymore, my dad would,”  she stopped.  She didn’t want to tell him what she was really afraid of; what Renea had really threatened her with.  “He would take away my car or something.  I was really stupid, I know.  After we broke up, I realized you’re worth more than a car.  I was just really afraid.  Renea wanted to break us up; I guess it made her feel powerful to have that kind of control over me.  I know how stupid and immature all this must sound.”

“That’s not true, is it?  About Renea?”  he asked.  He turned to look at her.  She looked down.  “She threatened you with more than that.”

“Yeah,”  she said quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell anybody?”

“Who would I tell?”  Her eyes filled and spilt before she could blink her vulnerability away.  She turned so he couldn’t see.   ”My dad’s friends with her family.  My mom, well, my mom and I weren’t getting along, and that’s an understatement.  Who would I tell?”

“You could tell me,” he said.

“What could you do?”  she asked.  He couldn’t see her cry, so she just let the tears flow.

“On my own, I couldn’t do much,” he said. ”but with Summer and Eric and my friends, well, we maybe could’ve helped you.”

“I’ve never had anybody stick up for me before,” she said, wiping her face.  “I always had to take care of things myself.  This one was just too big for me.  Renea was too big for me.”

“Maybe she was too big for you, but she wasn’t too big for us,” he said.

“How did you know, about Renea?” she asked.

“I didn’t for a long time,” he told her, “but after everything with your mom and how Renea and her friends bragged about it at school, I started really thinking.  You and I were going out and having a good time, and then suddenly you just changed.  It didn’t make sense.”

She began to feel hope rise within her.  She turned to look at him, “Do you think we could start over?”

He wrapped his warm hand around her cold fingers and looked into her eyes, “I don’t know.  That’s what I came over here to find out.”

The next day, Seth called David to find out how Claire reacted to the incident.   David wouldn’t say.  He pointed out that he wasn’t supposed to be a go-between and that he wasn’t there to report to one what the other said or did.  He did think it would be alright if he called her.  It took him until the middle of the afternoon to work up the nerve to make the call.

Claire’s cell rang so many times, he thought she was going to let it go to voice mail. He was caught off guard when she finally did answer.

“Um, hi,” he said. “I was wondering if you’re alright.  Maybe you’re arm is sore or something.”  Inside he thought, That was really dumb. 

“Yeah, I’m alright,” she said.  Her voice became soft, almost shy.  “Thank you for rescuing me from that guy.  I had a plan to get away, but I wasn’t really sure it would work.”

He felt a little embarrassed.  It was like he was her hero or something.  “You’re welcome,” he said.  “I couldn’t stand seeing that guy grabbing you.”

She was silent, so he continued, “I saw in the paper that spring classes are starting at the junior college.  Since you’re not working, I thought maybe you’d like to take a few.  If you send me the bill, I’ll make sure they get paid for.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” she said slowly.  “Yeah, maybe I’ll look into it.”

“Have you thought about what you want to do?”  he asked, glad for the opportunity to drag the conversation out a little longer. He also, for maybe the first time, honestly wanted to know what her interests were.

“I thought about being a pet groomer,” she said.

“A pet groomer?  What made you think of that?”  he asked.  His voice showed surprise, but no sarcasm or teasing.

“Well, I see a lot of people out with animals.”  Her voice took on an enthusiastic rhythm.  “Once I get a more permanent house, I could set up a room just for my business.  I could groom animals when the kids are in school.  I could set my own hours.  I don’t know if it would bring in enough money for me to support myself, though, so I might have to pick something else.”

He didn’t miss the fact that sh talked about getting her own house.  It gave him a small pain in his chest and a feeling of panic.  She was planning her life, and it didn’t appear to include him.

“You know,” he said.  “We could clean out my den and put your business in there.  It’s right next to the laundry room, so running some extra water lines probably wouldn’t be a problem.  It’s big enough for you to put some cages in.” He spoke carefully, considering the layout.

“Where would you work?”  she asked.

“I could move my stuff into the spare bedroom.” He was fishing, hoping she’d give him some indication that she might stay with him.

“I’m not sure,” she said; her voice sounded a little sad.

What happened?  Did he say something wrong?

She changed the subject, “How’d the kids do last night?”

“Fine as usual,” he answered.  “Grace stayed with them.  I want Michelle to know that we’re together on this, that we still don’t trust her and that she has to earn that back.”

“I’d better go,” she said abruptly.  “I’ve got some things I want to do.  You’re bringing the kids home tonight at six, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll have’em there,” Seth said softly.  He folded his phone shut and sat for a minute in thought.  What went wrong in that conversation?

Claire was really excited about the hockey game.  Maggie, David, and Clint would be a lot of fun.  Seth could sit on the end and be a lump if he wanted to.

Seth and Clint were already seated when her group found the right row.  Maggie and David sat down and left the seat on the end for her.  She saw Seth glance over at her.  Her heart skipped a beat, and she felt that familiar tug toward him.  His eyes lingered on her for a second before turning back to the ice.  Evidentially, the group had made her position clear.

She had a great time.  She liked the competition, and the excitement of the crowd.  She also liked the company.  She and Maggie chattered about different things intermittently while they watched.  She also watched Seth.  He seemed to be enjoying the game.  He hollered a couple of times and discussed some of the action with Clint and David.  He was different than usual, more animated, more relaxed.  A couple of times she caught him looking at her kind-of-sideways, but as soon as he realized she saw him, he turned his eyes back to the ice.

When it was time to go, she made her way through the shuffling crowd toward the exit.  She didn’t realize she’d gotten pretty far ahead of the rest of the group until she looked around and didn’t see any familiar faces.  She decided to stand next to the tunnel entrance until she saw someone from her group.

She’d been standing there for a minute or two when she was jostled roughly from behind and fell into a large man, sloshing her drink onto his leather jacket.

“Hey!  Wha’ da’ ya’ think you’re doing?”  The man started.  “You got any idea of how s’pensive this jacket is?”

“I’m sorry.  Someone pushed me,” she tried to explain.

“’At’s not gonna clean m’ ‘acket, now is’t?”  The man was getting more and more angry.  She realized he was drunk.  She tried to take a step back, but the crowd kept pushing her toward him.

He grabbed her arm roughly.  “You’re comin’ w’ me!”  He jerked her into the crowd.  She twisted and tried to pull away.

His grip tightened.  She knew kicking him might turn him violent, and he might beat her to a bloody pulp. She looked around.  Where was security?  They seemed to have disappeared when the game got out.  She decided to go with him for a couple of steps and look for an officer while trying to get her cell phone out of her purse. If she couldn’t get it, she was going to try to get help from someone in the crowd or distract the man.  Dropping suddenly and kicking him in the knee was her last resort.

“I don’t think the lady wants to go with you,” a voice said.  Seth stepped between them, grim faced, and put his hand on the man’s arm.

“Who’re you!” The man demanded.

“I’m her husband, and if you don’t take your hands off her, I’m going to beat you into tomorrow,” Seth said.  A muscle in his jaw clenched and unclenched.

For a split second, she thought the man was going to haul off and hit him in the face.  Seth was at least a head shorter and wasn’t half his body weight.  However, the man let go and raised both his hands.  “I jus’ wan’ ‘er t’ pay fer cleanin’ m’ jacket.  She spilt soder on’t,” he said.

Seth took out his wallet and gave the man some money.  “Here, now leave her alone.”  The man took the money and walked away.

He looked at her a little protectively.  “Are you alright?”

She nodded.

“Did he hurt your arm?”  His voice was soft, and his eyes truly looked concerned.

She shook her head.

Then, as if remembering that he wasn’t supposed to be talking to her, he turned abruptly.  “Maggie and David are over here,” he said and walked in front of her to where the couple was waiting.  Once they got there, he said, “I told Clint I’d meet him at the car.  See you guys later.”  he disappeared into the crowd.

“We were hoping you wouldn’t mind waiting until some more of the crowd clears,” David said.

“He was really mad,” Claire said.  “I can’t believe he was that mad over that guy messing with me.  If that had happened before, he would have been apologizing to that guy and yelling at me at the same time.  I can’t believe he stuck up for me.”

“We lost you in the crowd,” Maggie explained.  “When Seth saw that guy grab you, we thought he’d knock somebody over trying to get to you.”

“Yeah,” David said.  ”I was ready to step in, but he got there first.”

“What happened?” Maggie asked.

“Somebody pushed me, and I spilled my pop him.  He was drunk and got really mad,” Claire said.  “I had a plan worked out for getting away, but I’m not sure it would’ve worked without me getting hurt.”

“You don’t really expect to be hijacked at a hockey game, do you?”  Maggie said.

“I can’t believe he stood up for me,” Claire said again.

In the car on the drive home, Seth was quiet.

Clint glanced over at him a few times before he asked, “Hey, man, what’s up with you?”

“I just blew it.  I was hoping this was a start,” Seth shook his head in disgust.

“Alright, wha’d you do?”  Clint asked.

“This man grabbed Claire.  He was dragging her off somewhere.  I threatened to beat him up,” Seth said.

“So, what’s wrong with that?”  Clint asked.

“She’s always been afraid that I’d beat her or one of the kids. I guess it should’ve been obvious, but I really couldn’t see it—that she was afraid of that.  Until that night with the CNN story, I didn’t realize what I am capable of.  She’s going to think I’m violent.  She’ll never take me back if she thinks I’m violent,” Seth said.

“Girls love it when a man sticks up for them,”  Clint said.  “Threatening to hit someone to protect her and threatening to hit her are different.  She’ll see that.”

“You think so?”  Seth asked.

“I think you just scored big,” Clint told him.

The group met at Claire’s apartment on Thursday evening.  At first it was business as usual.  Start with prayer.  Was she reading her Bible?  How was church on Sunday?  Was she keeping regular appointments with her counselor?  Had Seth done anything inappropriate toward her?  Then there was small talk.  Maggie told about their get-together to go to a movie the night before. No one mentioned the incident with Seth.  She was sure they’d jump on her about her attitude.  No one said anything.

Finally, she said, “I’d like to go to a hockey game.”

“You want us to take you to a hockey game?”  Hunter asked.

“Yes.  I’ve always wanted to go to one.” Then, with difficulty, she said, “And, Seth can come along too, if he wants.”

“You want to go to a hockey game with him?”  Clint was all smiles.

“No, I want to go to a hockey game with all of you, or at least as many as can go.  Seth can come along.  I’d like to just see how he is.  I’d prefer he didn’t talk to me or sit by me or anything,” Claire explained.

“Why do you want to do that?”  Maggie asked.

“Well, I was talking to Sherry, my counselor, about him and his apology ,” she trailed off a little.  She hadn’t told them about the Christmas gift.  “When Michelle started dating, I wanted her to go in a group.  Then she could see how the boy acted around other people, and it took the pressure off of them as far as being responsible for all of the conversation and activity.  I’d like to do that with Seth.  I don’t trust him.  I don’t trust that he’s genuinely sorry and that he’s changed.  I’d like to see for myself.  I want you to tell him this by no means indicates that I want to get back with him.”

“Sounds fair,” Dan said.

“I’ll check the schedule and call all of you to set a day,” Clint said.  “I’ll buy the tickets.  You can pay me back.”

“There’s one Friday night,” Claire said.

“Friday’s good for me,” Clint said.

Maggie opened her planner and talked briefly with David.  “Us too,” David said.

“I’m going to have to miss this one,” Dan said.

“Me too,” Hunter said.  “My wife said it’s alright if I’m away for these meetings, but she’d like me home the other evenings.”

“Alright, then,” David said.  “Maggie and I’ll pick you up at around five, Claire.”

“I’ll bring Seth in my car,” Clint said.

After everyone left, Claire sat down on the couch.  She prayed that Friday would go alright and that the Lord would guide her in what to do next.

Claire heard a loud knock at the door. She was a little puzzled to see Clint.

“What are you doing here?”  She stood in the door with her eyebrows pressed together.

“I was wondering if you’d take a walk with me?”  His breath made little clouds when he talked.

“S-sure, sure, let me get my coat,” She couldn’t figure out why Clint of all people would want to go for a walk with her.  “Do you want to come in?”

He shook his head and backed down the steps onto the sidewalk.

She hunched her shoulders against the cold as they started walking.  They traversed at least a block before either spoke.  The short snowfall crunched under their boots. Sparse little bits of white glided to the ground. She wondered if the snowfall had started again or if she was just seeing stray flakes floating off tree branches.

“So, what’s up?”  She finally asked.

“Well, the group doesn’t know I’m here,” He began.  He wiped his glasses and pushed his hair back from his face.  She thought briefly how he would look so much better with a haircut.

“O.K., so, you don’t want me to mention this visit?”  she asked.

“Well, I can’t really ask you that.  I just want you to know I came on my own,” he said.

“Alright, I stand warned.”  she said.

He stopped and stood to face her.  “Don’t you think you were a little hard on Seth?”

“Is that what the group thinks?”  She was supposed to meet with them Thursday evening.  If they were going to start in on her about how she treated him, she wanted to be ready for them.

“No, that’s what I think,” he told her.  “The guy’s trying, Claire.  He’s really trying.  Don’t you think you could give him a chance?”

“He’s not trying.  He’s playing the game,” she said.

“Is that what you’re doing?”  he asked.

“What do you mean?” she demanded.

“Aren’t you just going through the motions, pretending to give this a chance, when you really have no intention of fixing your marriage?”  he said.

“Of course not.  Why would I do that?”

“Because you just want to look good for us, for the people who’re trying to help you.”

She looked across the street for a minute while her mind worked the maze of this mess. She’d told Grace a couple of weeks ago that she wanted to keep her relationship with her husband, but she was enjoying being in control of her own life.  She was enjoying the freedom from relational stress.  Getting back together with Seth was going to be work and strain and possible hurt and disappointment.  On the other hand, his apology and gift and card had given her pause.  She’d like a husband with whom she could share her life.  If she did go back to him, she wanted it to be real, not a fabrication she had invented in her own mind.  She feared that if he thought he got his foot in the door too soon, he would stop trying. She’d wind up being the one to do all of the work while he put his hands behind his head and cruised to where he wanted to be. She wanted him to fight for her.  She wanted him to keep trying even when he thought she wasn’t going to respond.  She wanted him to work to get her.   She wanted him to know that once he had her, he would have to work to keep her.  He would never be able to stop working to keep her.

She didn’t want Clint to know what she was thinking, so she decided to launch a counterattack.  “Why did they pick you for this group?  You’re young; you’re single. You don’t have enough experience to be in this group.”

He turned abruptly and started walking again.  She took a couple of running steps to get alongside him.

When she finally caught up to him, he said, “I’m fun.”

“What?”

“I’m fun.  I program computers.  I’m single.  I have a lot of free time.  I like to play pool, do stuff like that.  I’ve got time to hang out.  He comes over and plays video games with me.  We talk about stuff.  That’s why I think he’s changed.”

This time it was her turn to stop.  “Seth plays video games?”

He grinned. “Yeah. The first time I asked, before he agreed to start working with us, he turned me down.  He wasn’t very nice about it either.  After he started working with us, I invited him again.  I had some guys I know over to play pool.  Everything was going fine, until one of the guys made a wisecrack about something.  Seth just went nuts.  He broke the pool cue and stomped out.”

“Yep, that’s him alright,” Claire commented.

“A couple days later, I had this voice mail.  It was Seth wanting to know if he could come by.  When he got to my house, he had a new pool stick for me.  It was a really nice, expensive one.”  Claire could hear Clint’s appreciation of it in his voice.  “He brought some chalk, too.  He didn’t apologize, but he asked if he could come play again sometime.  I said sure.  After that, he started coming over in the evenings.”

“He hangs out with you?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you do?”

“We order pizza, play video games, play pool, watch an action movie,” he answered.

“Wow.  He doesn’t hang out with anybody,” she said.

“I’d just like you to think about giving him a chance,” he said.

“I’d like to go home now,” she said.

He nodded, and they walked back together in silence.

After the kids were asleep, Claire sat down on her bed and opened the card.  The front had a church and a dove and sparkles all over it.  She opened it.  The sentiment inside said, “Wishing you peace and happiness this Christmas.”  Underneath, there was writing in Seth’s script, but it wasn’t as scraggly.  It looked as if he were writing it carefully so that he could be sure she could read it.  The writing said:

I made your life miserable for the last sixteen years. Please consider giving me a chance to make your life happy for the rest.  Seth

She folded the card and put it back into the envelope.  The phrase kept repeating itself, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.”  She was afraid to hope for an impossibility.

“Thomas, don’t.  It isn’t yours,” Sherridan said.  “Mom!  Thomas is trying to tear the paper!”

Claire wondered briefly if it was a bomb and if she should send the kids up to Lorrayne’s or hose it off with water before she opened it.  She laughed inside at her own callousness.

“Daddy wrapped it right before we left.  He wouldn’t let us see what it is or touch it or anything,” Thomas provided.

Claire looked at the gift one more time.  Seth had gone to a lot of trouble with this one.  The paper was expensive paper from a real gift store.  There was a fancy star decoration with a pre-made ribbon cascade.  It was beautiful.

Carefully, she took the decorations off the top and set them aside.  Then she tore the paper and set it aside.  She allowed herself to enjoy that part but steeled herself against the anticipated disappointment of what was actually in the box.  It occurred to her that it might not be a gift at all.  It might be divorce papers, or something she had forgotten at the house and he’d broken just to spite her.  She took a deep breath and opened the box.

Inside was a small tree.  She pulled it out.  A bonsai tree.  She’d always wanted one.  She’d gazed at them wistfully when Seth’s family had a reunion at a botanical gardens.  Tagging along while she looked at the tiny trees, he’d outwardly given the “isn’t that sweet” image of devoted husband while sighing and huffing under his breath so she would know what sacrifice he was making.  He’d have to have driven a couple of hours to find one of these at this time of year, or he would’ve had to order it at least a week or two ago to get it here by now.  She looked at the bottom of the box.  There was a book about caring for the tree.  And under that was a card.

“Oh, mom, isn’t that cute,” Michelle said.

“It’s a little tree,” Sherridan said.  “Don’t touch it, Thomas!”

“None of you are to touch it,” Claire said.  She put the tree in the middle of the kitchen table and put the book beside it.  Then she took the card into her bedroom and set it on the dresser.

When Claire came back out, she asked, “How was your day?”

“We put up a a real tree,” Thomas said.

“Yeah, and we decorated it.  And we had hot chocolate and cookies while we decorated it,” Sherridan said.

“And we had presents, and pizza for lunch,” Thomas added.

“After lunch, we went sledding, and then we went back home and played with our toys,” Sherridan said.  “Daddy played with us.  And he didn’t yell one time.”

“Well, where are your presents?”  Claire asked.

“We decided to leave them at Daddy’s house.  He said we could bring them here, but we want to play with them when we go there,” Sherridan said.

“Mom, when are we going to move back home?”  Thomas asked.  “I want to go back there so I can have all my toys in one place.”

“I don’t know,” she said.  “I have to get supper ready.”

Michelle followed her into the kitchen.  “Mom, what happened to Dad?”

“What do you mean?”  Claire sat down at the table and waited for Michelle’s answer.

“Well, he’s really different.  He actually spent the day with us.  And he didn’t act like he was bored or anything.  While the kids were playing one time, he had me go back into his study with him.  I was scared; I thought he was going to yell at me for what I did.  He’s never talked to me about that.  When we got back there, he told me he was sorry for putting so much pressure on me about volleyball and told me I could quit if I wanted to.  Weird.”

“I don’t know,” Claire said.

“Well, I actually had a good time.  Do you think it’ll last?”

“I hope so.  Give him a chance, o.k. ?  Everybody deserves a chance.”  Claire didn’t really believe what she was saying, but she had agreed with Pastor Dan not to undermine Seth to the kids.